A Spoonful of Pleasure

Cherry on Top gives her sweetest (and most sensible) advice yet.

My loves, I recently received a letter from a reader whose boyfriend suggested they “spice things up” with a trip to the supermarket. Now, I adore a man with initiative, but when he said they should go sex shopping in the fruit aisle, even I had to clutch my pearls and you know I keep them very loosely fastened.

So let’s talk about food and intimacy, the wholesome way (yes, wholesome even when you’re covered in whipped cream).

First, a simple rule: if you wouldn’t happily put it in your mouth, don’t put it anywhere more exclusive. Your body deserves respect, not an audition for MasterChef. Some things are simply not meant to go inside you, bananas break, carrots splinter, and aubergines… well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Now, where food does shine is on the surface of your gorgeous, God-given body. Chocolate sauce, honey, ice cream, yoghurt the classics. All perfectly acceptable when used as an incentive for someone to admire you with their tongue rather than their eyes. Just keep them external, my sweet angels. We do not want to disturb your delicate pH balance and end up with an unsolicited yeast soufflé.

If all this feels terribly decadent, don’t worry you’re not required to recreate Nine ½ Weeks. You don’t need to straddle your fridge or drizzle cream all over your parquet floor. Start simple. A dab of melted chocolate on the collarbone. A smear of honey behind the knee. A single strawberry held between the lips. You’re aiming for subtle sensuality, not a full-scale catering disaster.

And finally talk to your partner. Tell them what you’re comfortable with. Tell them what you’re curious about. And remind them gently that the supermarket is for groceries, not gynaecology.

Now go forth, my darlings, and treat yourselves with tenderness. Desire should be sweet, playful, and always always hygienic. Bon appétit.